"To you, forever, from me to you"

I've been very lucky in my life in that I've never lost somebody close to me, other than pets and my grandparents who were in their 80s. I've never even been to a funeral. Because of the prevalence of AIDS in South Africa, death is a very familiar thing in many people's lives. Almost everyone has someone in their immediate family who has died from it. I've read all the books and done all the research. AIDS is an obsession for me and I think I've learned everything there is to know about it. So I'm fully aware of the course that the virus takes in the body, and what happens when the medicine is or isn't taken properly. If the ARVs aren't taken at the exact time that they're supposed to be taken, day after day, the body eventually becomes resistant to the drugs. And when the body becomes resistant, there is no plan B. It's only a matter of time until the body can't fight the virus anymore. So taking the medicine properly is essential to one's survival.

Now take the typical teenager. It's normal behavior for them to want to break the rules and not do the things they're told they need to do. But what about a teenager who is HIV positive? I think it's only natural for them to put up a fight when it comes to taking their medicine. But how do you get through to a child that it's their life they're putting on the line? The thought crosses my mind too often as to what I may have to face in the future once the body stops responding to the medicine. It's a devastating reality that my child will possibly become resistant. I've heard there's nothing in the world that's worse than having to bury your own child. I hope I never need to experience this, but it's one of my biggest fears in life.

I need to live my life, and I need to trust that I've given my child all the knowledge and encouragement needed to know what needs to be done when it comes to the medicine, and what the consequences will be if it isn't done properly. As a parent, you want to teach them to make their own decisions and learn from their own mistakes, but if I see my child making a mistake regarding the medicine, how can I sit back and watch while the body slowly gives up fighting the virus? That's not a lesson I'm willing to let my child learn, because there isn't time to waste. So I try to do all I can in terms of encouragement and support, and in the meantime, I will do what I need to do for myself by eventually going back to America and continuing on my path towards medicine. But in the back of my head, I have the fear that one day I'll have to make a choice between studying medicine or coming back to South Africa to care for my child who at some point will be out of options in terms of treatment. I only keep hoping that the body will be able to fight long enough until there is eventually a cure maybe 10 or 20 years down the road. If my words have any effect on my child's actions, I have no doubt we will see a cure together. So I hope beyond hope that I will never have to experience the pain of losing a child.

I have no doubt in my mind that I want to devote my life to the fight against AIDS, because I've seen it break too many hearts and I've seen too many people burying their children, or children burying their parents. After seeing what I've seen, how could I possibly do anything else with my life than practice medicine. And every moment of it will be dedicated to my child. "To you, forever, from me to you."